You're looking skinny like a model, with your eyes all painted black.

A certain pretty lady was just discussing blogs with me, it inspired me to write on you. Sorry I'm not more loving, I'll try harder I promise.
I can't describe it in my own words, I can only use other peoples. Gosh, I want so badly to just be decided and definite, and yet.. the future calls with gaping possibility.
I had to work for so long today, and now I want to curl up inside a warm sandy cave and snooze whilst listening to the waves of nothingness surrounding me. Like a small furry mammal I'm feeling timid and quiet, my nose is whiffling and my movements shrinking.
Tomorrow I shall properly clean my room, and make it all lovely again, my own sacred cave. I do hope someone will come to watch library DVD's with me, they are tantalisingly pretty.
Here's to tiny sparrows flying into our ears, alight with inspiration and peace.

x

P.S. Conor Oberst, please marry me right now. In the meantime you should most definitely listen to all Bright Eyes music, especially No One Would Riot For Less.

P.P.S. I feel like this

Oh, remember.

Hmm, maybe I should write more on my blog and not waste this much time reading others? Yes, a good idea I think.

Things I'm contemplating:

1) I am finished school, not just for a few weeks, not just for summer holidays, but FINISHED. It's an odd feeling, and I don't think it's fully sunk in just yet. Definitely the nicest thing about it is the utter lack of stress and worry, I keep asking myself "what SHOULD I be doing?" and when the answer comes back as a gentle "nothing" I feel immensely happy. Hopefully a trip up the coast is in order for a couple of weeks time, after the initial wildness of Schoolies has lessened.

2) I really want to start reading some proper "literature with a capital L" as Fay put it. I am starting to feel a little uneducated and ignorant to it, so perhaps today I shall begin.

3) For the last few days/weeks I've been lazing about the house in underwear. C says "I don't believe in pants" and I wholeheartedly agree with her.

4) I have a new obsession;
Charlotte Gainsbourg. She has this amazing plainness to her which makes her look immensely beautiful. And she also reminds me of one of my childhood friends' mothers whom I adored. Also, with pictures as lovely as these, who could fail to fall in love with her?

This love for Charlotte began after watching the Science of Sleep. Lovely lovely lovely movie, do watch it if you haven't already, very odd but amazing all the same. Plus it has Gael Garcia-Bernal in it, another love of mine.

Enjoy these summer days

x

The soft bloody nose

Psst.. Want to know a secret?

No, I lied, I don't have anything to tell you, just wanted you to notice me.. But maybe I should make one up.. A secret, an issue something to make me appealing. Yeah?
No.

You'll probably never read this, but it helps me to know you might be able to. Sorry for being a whinger.

Today was a nice day. And now I feel oh-so-dreamy and happy it's unbelievable, Creature Fear by Bon Iver came on at JUST the right time.

Study is actually being bearable, quite nice almost.. How silly of me. Hope I see some swoopings tomorrow. Sorry this post is really un-poetic or creative. Tomorrow maybe.

Wish me luck.. What for? For nothing.

x

Maybe forever.

It's raining. It's raining and it is so beautiful. The dark grey sky holds tinges of brown and patches of light. It has a certain brooding uncertainty to it, a constant movement. The steady drip of raindrops from budding branches is one of the most lovely things I have ever seen. The soft movement and quiver of everything is simultaneously exciting and calming. This weather is probably one of my absolute favourites. I'd like it to continue for a long time, washing away all of our conceptions and ideals, leaving a damp clean slate.

Please?

I read somewhere... "The moon is very lovely. And very, very old." It was so simple and lovely it made me want to cry a little. I wrote it on a lovely stolen post-it with a lovely stolen pen.

19 days more... 19 days. What then? Help me?

I've got no excuse,

x

In this spore borne air,

I wish I had a typewriter. I used to have an old one, but stupidly I discarded it because it was running out of ink. I really would like one now, I think I will go to some second-hand shops/the dump tomorrow or the next day to look for some nice old things. I would like: 1) a typewriter 2) an old sewing machine 3) a bike.

I have an ancient history overload; lectures all day on Tuesday and an hour and a half video conference today, and I am supposed to have a double lesson tomorrow. All I can think about now is Pompeii and Herculaneum, and the bodies, and disintegrating foundations of lives. It is quite interesting, but I want to scream "too much! too much!!" I'm scared that all the information will suddenly come out in knowledge vomit, like when you eat too much chocolate. You feel guilty for wasting it all, because you can't take it back in again.

I think I'm a little bit in love with you, but only if you're a little bit in love with me...

x

Fake

I'm caught in a middle place, between you and him, between friendship and logic, It's tricky. Who do I believe? Who do I trust? Why am I lost?

Today was a little bit nice. I felt un-stressed and un-rushed, how lovely. And now I have just realised that there is only 2 days of school left until the holidays, which makes today even nicer. Also, I really like the Tour de France because: 1) It's in France 2) It involves bikes, I like bikes 3) Streamlined men in Lycra, mmm.

It's very cold today, I wish it was less cold.

Do you ever have those out-of-body experiences? They are strangely grounding I find. It's as if I need to leave my body for a little while so as I appreciate it more.

I would like to go get some nice coffee tomorrow afternoon, I hope I find someone to do this with.

x

Free

Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.
Today I'm feeling thoughtful and slightly fly-away. Sometimes the sky seems to yawn open above me, teasing my inwards, upwards and onwards. I never give in, but sometimes I want to so badly it's a little scary.
I really need to do some more writing for my english stuff, it adds to the overwhelming general guilt, so instead I while away the hours on blogs and nice people. It's ok, I don't mind mostly, sometimes I do, but mostly it's ok.

I think I will go and do some more searching, for some source of amazement, wish me luck!

x