stars

Oh it's sitting on the tip of my tongue
as we're quietly strolling along.
I've been meaning to tell you for so long now
that it's got me stuck in a hold somehow.
You're looking me right in the eye.
We stop still and the world rushes by
and as I struggle to hide it inside I find that
I lack the courage to tell you.
And all I can manage to say is

"You are by far my favourite.
and I've been thinking it's about time that you knew.
That you are by far my favourite.
And I hope that I'm by far your favourite too."

You're looking at me ever so strange.
I guess it's time I should really explain.
You see I'm ever so glad that I met you now
I'm constantly being amazed at how you
make all my troubles dissolve.
Every kiss leaves me wanting another and my
heart hits the floor when I see you.
And I feel so sure when I say that

"You are by far my favourite.
And I've been thinking it's about time that you knew.
That you are by far my favourite.
And I hope that I'm by far your favourite too."

So will you forgive this stuttering fool?
This mess of a girl? Oh, please don't be cruel.

Cause you are by far my favourite.
And I've been thinking it's about time that you knew.
That you are by far my favourite.
And I hope that I'm by far your favourite too.





x

searching for the inner man

Society invents a spurious convoluted logic tae absorb and change people whae’s behaviour is outside its mainstream. Suppose that ah ken aw the pros and cons, know that ah’m gaunnae huv a short life, am ay sound mind etcetera, etcetera, but still want tae use smack? They won’t let ye dae it. They won’t let ye dae it, beacuse its seen as a sign ay thir ain failure. The fact that ye jist simply choose tae reject whit they huv to offer. Choose us. Choose life. Choose mortgage payments; choose washing machines; choose cars; choose sitting oan a couch watching mind-numbing and spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fuckin junk food intae yir mouth. Choose rotting away, pishing and shiteing yersel in a home, a total fuckin embarrassment tae the selfish, fucked-up brats ye’ve spawned to replace yourself. Choose life.

- Trainspotting.

poe-eht?

Apply pressure to my mind,

for it is wounded.
I am leaking forth,

uncontained.
Hold me back from destruction,

for I shall surely fail.

On the brink of disaster,

or creation;

one cannot decipher my concievement from my ultimation.

Farewells are tangy and cold

upon the softly naive lips of an infant.

These gratitudes become meaningless obstructions

to life.

budapest, ultimate favourite.

So, in one months time, I COULD have been working here. But university starting is a bitch, and has prevented me from doing so. UGH.

Anyway, today I arrived in Rome, pretty much beautiful. Got hit on by the hostel worker who told me i have beautiful eyes, and got free pastries at the coffee shop I colonised. Hoping to see a few of the nicies that happen to habitate this lovely city tomorrow, they are the sweetest girls.

On a downside the small bladder disease has returned... or that could have been the half a litre of pineapple juice, 2 bottles of water and 2 cappucinos... unsure.

I miss you when you're gone.

x

when i get back we're having a cowboys and indians party

Today I:

saw Michelangelo's David

saw a Stradivarius violin

felt like I looked nice

got told I was beautiful by a random Italian boy, who proceeded to have a civilised conversation with me

got a lucky turtle

went and ate lunch with the a new nice friend from Budapest

went on an adventure

saw a 10 million dollar artwork

tromped about

ate gelato

took a step into another dimension

realised how lovely Florence is

genuinely had a really really nice day.

Plus it is much warmer here, which is sweet. Maximum of 16 predicted for Roma on Tuesday KEEN AS A FUCKING BEAN.

also,

Travel tricks:

wearing my bag under my coat - secure AND a preventative against bag/hood issues.

if lost, ask anyone who: a) has a child or b) looks like my mother, if they speak English. Chances are they won't be insane as most people are here.

wear nice clothes, it makes me feel so much happier about my day.

Only 1 month and 2 weeks until I leave to come home. Inexplicably looking forward to/not looking forward to it.

x

bursting

why should he come back through the park?

you thought that you saw him but no you did not

it's not him who'd come across

the sea to suprise you

not him who would know

where in London to find you

with sadness so real that it populates

the city and leaves you homeless again

steam from the cup and snow on the path

the seasons have changed from present to past

the past

turns whole to half

the path

why should he come back through the park?

you thought that you saw him but no you did not

who can be sure of anything through

the distance that keeps you

from knowing the truth

why would you think your boy could become

the man who could make you sure he was the one?

the one

my one

x

a cat called roget

The tea ritual: such a precise repetition of the same gestures and the same tastes; accession to simple, authentic and refined sensations, a licence granted to all, at little cost, to become aristocrats of taste, because tea is the beverage of the wealthy and of the poor; the tea ritual, therefore, has the extraordinary virtue of introducing into the absurdity of our lives an aperture of serene harmony. Yes, the world may aspire to vacuousness, lost souls mourn beauty, insignificance surrounds us. Then let us drink a cup of tea. Silence descends, one hears the wind outside, the autumn leaves rustle and take flight, the cat sleeps in a warm pool of light. And with each swallow, time is sublimed.

Irinaland over the Balkans

the line i trace with my feetv walking to the museum is more important and more beautiful than the lines i find there hung up on the walls.

- Hundertwasser, Kunsthaus Vienna.

x

youth

would be very keen for this hair colour...

x

and I'll get bored with you, and feel trapped because that's what happens with me.




x

'When something is bothering me, I seek refuge. No need to travel far; a trip to the realm of literary memory will suffice. For where can one find more noble distraction, more entertaining company, more delightful enchantment than in literature?'

- The Elegance of the Hedgehog, Muriel Barbery.

twohundred

arrived in budapest this morning. watched the sun rise from the train window over frosty fields filled with deer. staying in the most amazing hostel, so inexplicably lovely.

new found addiction to sunflower seeds, best ever.

miss them more than i can ever say.

x

secrets

she wraps a smile round her tired face
sick of his heavy rap

this black betty wants to listen to some spiderbait

and there's sunshine on the window

but it doesn't make her happy like she should be

and he remains her silver lining in this tangled cloud of caps and hoodies

what role does she play?

the lead female

this is no longer his monologue

it's the long lost story of this 'he and she', the lyrics to their forgotten song

built first in single notes, then bars then whole movements as he sang it proud from the rooftops

she kept it hidden with the ripped ticket stubs in a shoebox

opposites attract

until he noticed she didn't know the words

and this flight soon crashed as their wings uncurled

his movement of notes rose and fell off the page in a slow mutiny

their lost symphony transformed into two remote soliloquies

and this queen of hearts is now too bent to play

uncrowned, she's pawned off her kingdom, a hasty tray

but it's better to have held aces and castles and gambled all your stakes

mistakes make jokers of us all

a wrong hand played; it all shuffles and falls

a silver lining somewhere links it all

loose pieces kept together, taken apart

back to solitaire

hearts

she wraps a smile round his tired face

and he around hers

and for a moment

they aren't so tired

x

i'm evil

i think the kids are in trouble

do not know what all the troubles are for

give them ice for their fevers

you're the only thing i ever want anymore

live on coffee and flowers

try not to worry what the weather will be

i figured out what we're missing

i tell you miserable things after you are asleep

now we'll leave the silver city 'cause all the silver girls

gave us black dreams

leave the silver city 'cause all the silver girls

everything means everything

it's a hollywood summer

you never believe the shitty thoughts i think

meet our friends out for dinner

when i said what i said i didn't mean anything

we belong in a movie

try to hold it together 'til our friends are gone

we should swim in a fountain

try not to disappoint anyone

now we'll leave the silver city 'cause all the silver girls

gave us black dreams

leave the silver city to all the silver girls

everything means everything

i was afraid i'd eat your brains

'cause i'm evil

i'm a confident liar

had my head in the oven so you'd know where i'll be

i'll try to be more romantic

i want to believe in everything you believe

i was less than amazing

don't know what all the troubles are for

fall asleep in your branches

you're the only thing i ever want anymore

x

hdsjgbfdgbfd.

x

see you january 26th you slick man,

x

te iubesc

3 hours of sauna/jacuzzi/heated outdoor pool goodness. so tired today, i think it's a good sign that i was suitably relaxed. next time it's going to involve a massage and a facial. excited.

i would really like to dye and cut my hair now, but i think i'll have to wait til i get home, as i have no straightener here. damn.

short fringe? y/n?

x

extremities

i'd swim across lake michigan,

i'd sell my shoes,

i'd give my body to be back again,

in the rest of the room.

to be alone with you

you gave your body to the lonely,

they took your clothes,

you gave up a wife and a family

you gave your goals.

to be alone with me

you went up on a tree

i'll never know the man who loved me.

x

ce mai faceţi?

homesick. who would have thought. not even halfway.

x

love your chaos

x

TOOL, RAMMSTEIN, IGGY AND THE STOOGES, M.I.A, JOHN BUTLER TRIO, BLOODY BEETROOTS DEATH CREW 77, LUPE FIASCO, THE BLACK KEYS, LCD SOUNDSYSTEM, EDWARD SHARPE AND THE MAGNETIC ZEROES, DIE ANTWOORD, ANGUS & JULIA, PLAN B, BLISS N ESSO, THE NAKED & FAMOUS, LITTLE RED, CRYSTAL CASTLES, PNAU, CSS, DEAD LETTER CIRCUS, BLUE KING BROWN, CHILDREN COLLIDE, GYPSY & THE CAT, LOWRIDER.

this lineup makes me so fucking pumped it's inexplicable. if i don't get tickets i may commit suicide, be warned.

x

soundtrack to our forgotten story

i just wanted to let you know, that i never meant to let you go.

summer sun on my windowsill, i sit and think and wonder,

you know that i miss you still, though we were never lovers.

x

i wish he was my boyfriend

x

one day

i bought the sweetest denim jacket yesterday, from a designer boutique, for $30. i love this place.

streaming the radio from home makes me ache deep down inside. hearing familiar accents is so comforting, i never would have thought..

miss them all more than words can explain.

x

she loves me

x

rain fall on a tin roof

this is our secret for as long as we can keep it,

the deepest of secrets that nobody knows,

the root of the root, the bud of the bud and so it goes,

and the lyrics of a thousand songs couldn't paint a picture

so beautiful she had me from my first conversation with her,

see nobody was ever as clever,

still can't figure out how they put it all together.

sitting in the room where we first got lost in one another,

just tripping off the feeling that together we discovered.

now i'm reminiscing on days past escaping the pearl

before taking that hold and making it too hard,

but it was scary to be even this close to a perfect fit,

close your eyes i promise this won't hurt a bit.

this is the kind of love that inspires the stuff i write my poems to,

the kind of love you have to leave, just to come home to.

creation

it's just so lovely.

x

x

how selfish of you to believe in the meaning of all the bad dreaming

not everything good in your life needs to be qualified by others.

i just realised this last night, it's my new mantra. start living stop trying.

x

take these thoughts of suicide and set them alight

if someone had a party like this i'd be the happiest person alive.


x

lvf

cassie don't got no street cred.

x

.

i still have a flame gun

for the cute, cute, cute ones

and i saw your hand

with a loose grip

on a tight ship

and i know

that in the cold light

there's a very big man

there's a very big man

leading us into

temptation

jackson, jesse, i've got a son in me

jackson, jesse, i've got a son in me

and he's related to you

he's related to you

he is waiting to meet you

he's related to you

he's related to you

he is dying to meet you

backhand, role reversal

where is someone?

backhand, reversible roles

i know there's someone

x

this love is only gonna break your heart.

exlovers

x

this is;

i'm going to dress up tonight
and i'll look real pretty for i don't know who
i'll find my own way around this great big city
and i'm gonna sit at a bar and i'll have a drink

i'll leave you to revel in your youthful yearnings
i know you like to visit them from time to time
and like a thief i steal the words you write to her
itake them to my heart and i wish them to be mine

but this is nothing new
but it ain't nothing
well this is nothing new
but it ain't nothing

you long for sweetness
does mine make you sickly?
or maybe i no longer have the sweetness you require
there's nothing sweet about a heart so embittered
it's ugly and it's cold and tonight it's out for hire


but it ain't nothing new
but this ain't nothing
well this is nothing new
but it ain't nothing

we live through this day after day
and complacency's a curse
but you just can't escape it
and i've arrived at that place where my tolerance gave way
and i struggle to hold my head up high






x

there is no god who can hear you, just a sky full of stars

x

acasă

I met an American in an underground bar in Brasov. He lit his Malboro reds with matches and wore checked shirts and mocassins. He left last night, and when he left he gave me the box of matches.

oddly enough i think he's amazing.

the rains arrived just as I did, but it doesn't stop everything from being amazingly indescribably beautiful. really, i'd like to bring you all here to show you.

indea-go-go is coming to kosovo on friday, if i see her i'll die of happiness.

i think i'm turning into one of those self-obsessed travellers that tries to tell people all their stories but no one cares.

yucki'mgross.

i miss it but i don't want to go back yet.

x

hold me closer, tiny gardener

But we had little else to do, and the snow came down, and the sky was unremittingly gray.

In the end we had pieces of the puzzle, but no matter how we put them together, gaps remained, oddly shaped emptinesses mapped by what surrounded them, like countries we couldn't name.

How strange the moon seems! One might fancy she was looking for dead things.

x

i'm frightened

goodbye

x

p.s. i'm a bit excited for 37 degree weather though

talk like you do what you do

gimme a pair of these please.

x

only man,

babe.

x

im going to war,

yes please

um

x

follow these instructions
do exactly as I do
lean your shoulders forward
let your hands slide over to my side
move your body closer
let your heart meet mine

love is the harmony
desire is the key
love is the melody
now sing it with me

come a little closer
take a look at me
this light is so obvious
i want you to see
come a little closer
look me in the eye
then repeat with me one more time

love is the harmony
desire is the key
love is a symphony
now play it with me

you'll be the rhythm and i'll be the beat
you'll be the rhythm and i'll be the beat
then i'll be the rhythm and you'll be the beat
and love, the shoreline, where you and i meet

love is the harmony
desire is the key
love is a symphony
come sing some with me 

unnerve the nerve

awh hey excitement, where've you been hiding?

x

seriously

can you please stop fucking stealing and copying everything. fuckoffthanks.

dancers

x

something filled up

my heart with nothing,

someone told me not to cry.

but now that i'm older,

my heart's colder,

and i can see that it's a lie.

children wake up,

hold your mistake up,

before they turn the summer into dust.

children don't grow up,

our bodies get bigger but our hearts get torn up.

we're just a million little gods causing rain storms turning every good thing to

rust.

L

the smell of night wafts through the open window; the minty tang of possibility, the quiet musk of seduction, the cool moist scent of the unknown.

and she whispers herself to sleep with stories of the night air as her lace curtain breathes in the darkness.

x

spiderweb

x

ride on the peace train

p.s. if you want to be the best person in the world you should buy me a copy of 'An Education'.

favourite movie.

i'm losing my voice, it makes me feel oddly classy to have this croaky husky voice. either that or a seedy pornstar, take your pick really.

hair; please continue to do these nice things, it makes me feel a little bit happier about you in general.

2 weeks today. ohwow. it's finally starting to kick in. owch.

so unsure about anything i want right now, sorry if i'm indecisive.

x

hold your breath...

some day without trying you'll find something that's rare

like an eight letter word on a triple word square

and I knew a girl who thrived on second-hand news

she wore clips in her hair and she judged boys by their shoes

call it coincidence but whenever we're together

you're on top of the world while i'm under the weather

a thousand ideas i try to tell crossword girl

how do i get one across when you're always two down?

and if things get hard will you throw in the pen?

but if you are unsure you can pencil it in

call it coincidence but whenever we're together

you're on top of the world while i'm under the weather

x

letters

I miss you; but I'm over you.

I mean, if that's possible.

I'll kinda always have a crush on you.

x

jealousy

oh oh ohhh

seriously. so much respect for her.

a pet hate:

boys who wear entire outfits of white sporting clothes.

yuckgrossgodie.

x

repeat after me,

i have built a treehouse

i have built a treehouse

nobody can see us

it's a you and me house

i've been climbing rocks and stones

been collecting broken bones

i've been swimming across the lakes

just to find this perfect place

i got lost into the woods

i've been covered up in mud

i've been going through a lot

just to find this perfect spot

first love, last love, it's only love

never have i been quite so attracted to two groups of people.

xxxo

nothing else will do

i took a vitamin pill and it's lodged in my throat.

x

i'm a huntress for a husband lost at sea

Cut the trees out of the sky with your silver scissors.

Tear the rain from the faint shapes of bruised clouds with your open hands.

x