hold her

bon matin,

and no I'm not ashamed but the guilt will kill you,
if she don't first.
i'll never love you like her
though we need to find the time
to just do this shit together
before it gets worse.
i wanna touch you
but that just hurts

when will we get the time to be just just friends?

it's this one thing,

i can't feel.... anything.

and it scares me.

x

my silken tooth,

officially an adult today, i don't feel so much different. or maybe i do?

they are all so amazingly lovely, boosted my ego heaps hey. hectic night last night, don't really regret much at all. ahhhh, everything clicked into place a bit the last few days, really nicely.

he's keen too. he's coming soon. he's the nicest thing i've ever seen.

words really can't express my love for all of you, really, you probably won't ever know.

x

i need fun in my life,

waiting for me to turn 18 so we can christen our adultness together.

you're cute.

x

and tattoo my name underneath your arm.

100th post.

It feels like I should do something momentous, but I'm not really that sort of person.

Travelling soon, I'm really unsure of how I'm going to manage, but extremely excited also.

Birthday in 2 days. Last two days of adolescence; let's have sleepovers and braid each others hair and tell each other our crushes while we still can.

Had the best nap in forever today, feeling calmly mellow and oddly satisfied.

Paris When It Sizzles - really, it's worth it. Still don't understand how Audrey manages to be so lovely all the time.

I love you, I don't think I tell you this enough, but I really do.

x

stolen girlfriends club.

favourite.

check it.

x

i realised that i need you

holy jamoley, heaps keen for a tie dying party.

x

work hard,

with a bullet in the bed

confessional

Sorta would really like some vans.

Pretty sure if there was a chance I might have just ruined it. I really want to tell you stuff, but because I can't I'll write it here and hope you see.

I like you. Lots more than I've ever liked anyone really. And it hurts me a bit when I think about what could have been. But I think I've probably used up all my chances from you, I don't blame you at all, if I was you I probably wouldn't want to give me any more chances either. Due to my choices there probably isn't a possibility of an 'us' now.

But I still don't know what you're thinking. And I'd really like to. Let me know if you ever want us to attempt something/anything. I'll probably just hang about waiting for you forever.

grossme.

x

post-it notes.

dear cassie,

i really enjoy you, specially the way we hate on everyone else and chill with our disposable toothbrushes.

yeah. you're fabulous.

love me,

x

tiny braids, like secrets in my hair.

next i want feathers, and beads, and thread.

tiny whispers amongst the strands.

laredo,

Ada don’t stay in the lake too long

So tonight I'll sit and pick apart your pictures
And overanalyze your words
But the truth is that I've never fallen so hard
It's taking everything in me
Just to forget your sweater so far.

Spill Canvas, so emopop, but so good.

Soft hair tonight, favourite. Tomorrow night should be pretty ace.

x

joan of arc

you'resuchababeihavethebiggestcrushonyou

i really do. come see me.

x

so

I'm trying not to get excited about this. Because I know it probably won't amount to anything. Also it's not a very nice thing to be excited about. But I can't squash this balloon of anticipation that's growing inside me.

Where could this leave us? How should I react?

Don't answer that.

Listen, Firekites.

One of my all time favourites. Really.

x

I need a place to go

Yeah that's what you told me

So I went to your house

To try to find you in your room

Why can't I find you now?

Walking along tonight

Wishing you were still here

Wishing things were alright

We tried, oh yeah

We tried and we died

Oh yeah we died

We took down the icicles

The way it melts in your hand

You told me you loved me

At an age I didn't understand

Where will we go when we get old?

I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.

p.s. dear future boyfriend, please dress like one of the exquisite males in afore mentioned video.

kthanksbai

x

we are in love

x

you can put on your bathing suits

precious

I really feel like I need to cry. To properly weep and let small pieces of me seep from between clenched eyelids.

That's why I'm not talking to you, that's why I shut myself away. I feel alone, and it fascinates me. So sad I could melt and it feels safe. There's a security in this melancholy.

Let me savour it.

x

best weekend of my life,

x

It's time for a mental health day. So conjugate this: I cut class. You cut class. He/she/it cuts class

help i'm alive

the sun it peeks through the clouds

Multiple crushes. Everywhere I go a new one appears. Sorta bad, sorta lovely.

Dear lovely Caleb-friend who was nice to me at work. Come back please, and wear that rainbow beanie again. I love you a little bit, with your soft voice and flirty eyes.

Just realised how much I love them all, and it's probably not appropriate to just bust it out and tell them, so i'll post it here. They're so amazing.

Stupid post. kbye.

x

neon bible

Not happy with myself at all.

I just don't factor for other people's emotions in my decisions, and it's pretty nasty of me. I know it's not really a big deal, and I'm probably over-reacting, but it doesn't stop me from feeling dirty and angry at myself.

Ugh.

x

P.S. I'm going to pretend like this is enough, for appearances sake and to avoid conflict, but it's really not. Sorry.

I'm not gonna meet your mother anytime, I just wanna grip your body over mine.

Please tell me why you think that's a crime?

thank god it's fatal

You know the songs you can't bear to listen to because of the memories behind them?

Yeah, well:

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Maps

Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeroes - Home (RAC mix)

Ruined lovely songs. Ugh.

x

call it a ritual

x

P.S. You're such a babe, I would be happy to just be in the same room as you. Seriously.

promise

I just feel really fucking intensely angry with everyone right now.

Sorry, it's probably nothing to do with you. I'll go clean my room and have a bath and smother this urge to claw all your eyeballs out with my fingernails.

x