She was never only dancing, no one ever really is.

To buy:
Rabbit night light to keep me company.
Old metal hair clip with horses on.
Some nice rings.


Dear hair, please grow faster.
I'm up for a spot of dam camping very soon. Mum is giving me some old books, I'm so happy. Can't find fairy lights which is annoying. When my room becomes lovely I'll post some pictures.
Can't wait for fish swap; George is going to be the greatest.
My mind is not thinking creatively tonight, apologies. I am thinking in staccato instant photographs. Short sentences. With hints of rage.

x

tiny notes,

dear sufjan stevens, you are truly absolument étonnant.

dear french, I want to be able to speak and understand you.

dear c, paris next year, it's going to happen.

dear audrey, you will never cease to amaze me, ever.

dear tea, want to be lovers?

dear room, please expand and clean yourself.

dear me, stop being so irritating.

dear you, stop being so nonchalant about me.

dear me, you're just being childish, so stop.

"Well I have a double re-cracker that can crack through anything in the universe and that's the most powerful thing ever. Period. Done."

x

You're looking skinny like a model, with your eyes all painted black.

A certain pretty lady was just discussing blogs with me, it inspired me to write on you. Sorry I'm not more loving, I'll try harder I promise.
I can't describe it in my own words, I can only use other peoples. Gosh, I want so badly to just be decided and definite, and yet.. the future calls with gaping possibility.
I had to work for so long today, and now I want to curl up inside a warm sandy cave and snooze whilst listening to the waves of nothingness surrounding me. Like a small furry mammal I'm feeling timid and quiet, my nose is whiffling and my movements shrinking.
Tomorrow I shall properly clean my room, and make it all lovely again, my own sacred cave. I do hope someone will come to watch library DVD's with me, they are tantalisingly pretty.
Here's to tiny sparrows flying into our ears, alight with inspiration and peace.

x

P.S. Conor Oberst, please marry me right now. In the meantime you should most definitely listen to all Bright Eyes music, especially No One Would Riot For Less.

P.P.S. I feel like this

Oh, remember.

Hmm, maybe I should write more on my blog and not waste this much time reading others? Yes, a good idea I think.

Things I'm contemplating:

1) I am finished school, not just for a few weeks, not just for summer holidays, but FINISHED. It's an odd feeling, and I don't think it's fully sunk in just yet. Definitely the nicest thing about it is the utter lack of stress and worry, I keep asking myself "what SHOULD I be doing?" and when the answer comes back as a gentle "nothing" I feel immensely happy. Hopefully a trip up the coast is in order for a couple of weeks time, after the initial wildness of Schoolies has lessened.

2) I really want to start reading some proper "literature with a capital L" as Fay put it. I am starting to feel a little uneducated and ignorant to it, so perhaps today I shall begin.

3) For the last few days/weeks I've been lazing about the house in underwear. C says "I don't believe in pants" and I wholeheartedly agree with her.

4) I have a new obsession;
Charlotte Gainsbourg. She has this amazing plainness to her which makes her look immensely beautiful. And she also reminds me of one of my childhood friends' mothers whom I adored. Also, with pictures as lovely as these, who could fail to fall in love with her?

This love for Charlotte began after watching the Science of Sleep. Lovely lovely lovely movie, do watch it if you haven't already, very odd but amazing all the same. Plus it has Gael Garcia-Bernal in it, another love of mine.

Enjoy these summer days

x

The soft bloody nose

Psst.. Want to know a secret?

No, I lied, I don't have anything to tell you, just wanted you to notice me.. But maybe I should make one up.. A secret, an issue something to make me appealing. Yeah?
No.

You'll probably never read this, but it helps me to know you might be able to. Sorry for being a whinger.

Today was a nice day. And now I feel oh-so-dreamy and happy it's unbelievable, Creature Fear by Bon Iver came on at JUST the right time.

Study is actually being bearable, quite nice almost.. How silly of me. Hope I see some swoopings tomorrow. Sorry this post is really un-poetic or creative. Tomorrow maybe.

Wish me luck.. What for? For nothing.

x

Maybe forever.

It's raining. It's raining and it is so beautiful. The dark grey sky holds tinges of brown and patches of light. It has a certain brooding uncertainty to it, a constant movement. The steady drip of raindrops from budding branches is one of the most lovely things I have ever seen. The soft movement and quiver of everything is simultaneously exciting and calming. This weather is probably one of my absolute favourites. I'd like it to continue for a long time, washing away all of our conceptions and ideals, leaving a damp clean slate.

Please?

I read somewhere... "The moon is very lovely. And very, very old." It was so simple and lovely it made me want to cry a little. I wrote it on a lovely stolen post-it with a lovely stolen pen.

19 days more... 19 days. What then? Help me?

I've got no excuse,

x

In this spore borne air,

I wish I had a typewriter. I used to have an old one, but stupidly I discarded it because it was running out of ink. I really would like one now, I think I will go to some second-hand shops/the dump tomorrow or the next day to look for some nice old things. I would like: 1) a typewriter 2) an old sewing machine 3) a bike.

I have an ancient history overload; lectures all day on Tuesday and an hour and a half video conference today, and I am supposed to have a double lesson tomorrow. All I can think about now is Pompeii and Herculaneum, and the bodies, and disintegrating foundations of lives. It is quite interesting, but I want to scream "too much! too much!!" I'm scared that all the information will suddenly come out in knowledge vomit, like when you eat too much chocolate. You feel guilty for wasting it all, because you can't take it back in again.

I think I'm a little bit in love with you, but only if you're a little bit in love with me...

x

Fake

I'm caught in a middle place, between you and him, between friendship and logic, It's tricky. Who do I believe? Who do I trust? Why am I lost?

Today was a little bit nice. I felt un-stressed and un-rushed, how lovely. And now I have just realised that there is only 2 days of school left until the holidays, which makes today even nicer. Also, I really like the Tour de France because: 1) It's in France 2) It involves bikes, I like bikes 3) Streamlined men in Lycra, mmm.

It's very cold today, I wish it was less cold.

Do you ever have those out-of-body experiences? They are strangely grounding I find. It's as if I need to leave my body for a little while so as I appreciate it more.

I would like to go get some nice coffee tomorrow afternoon, I hope I find someone to do this with.

x

Free

Some people feel the rain. Others just get wet.
Today I'm feeling thoughtful and slightly fly-away. Sometimes the sky seems to yawn open above me, teasing my inwards, upwards and onwards. I never give in, but sometimes I want to so badly it's a little scary.
I really need to do some more writing for my english stuff, it adds to the overwhelming general guilt, so instead I while away the hours on blogs and nice people. It's ok, I don't mind mostly, sometimes I do, but mostly it's ok.

I think I will go and do some more searching, for some source of amazement, wish me luck!

x

Lovely

I have a couple of blogs marked on my bookmarks toolbar. I visit them quite regularly, and quite often find glorious little snippets of sunshine. These are just a few I have encountered on my travels:

"Windows and doors are flung wide as summer seeps into the house. We sit on the back stoop as the sun fades. Stars come out, our feet amongst the cool grass, the air like a warm blanket. Galaxies shift and grow. Quiet words hang in the air, unrushed."

She said she usually cried at least once a day
not because she was sad,
but because the world was so beautiful
and life was so short

"you're the smell before rain, you're the blood in my veins."

I've saved them in a Word document called "Nice" and when I feel lonely or uninspired, I go and read them, and I'm cured. Also, my phone (which wasn't of the highest quality anyway) has decided to go whacko on me, so I am now using my old Motorola one. Y'know the ones that cost like.. $50, and you got with Coke wrappers? Yeah... one of those. And it's buttons are so much used that all the numbers and symbols are rubbed off. We have a love/hate relationship, it's quite nice really.

Also, I have found out that both Jamie T, and Lady Sovereign are coming to Australia in like.. Septemberish time. And once again, the HSC ruins my life. Another love/hate relationship there. I love some of the things I am doing such as my Extension 2 English major work, and sometimes (dare I admit it) I even enjoy studying, but I hate the exams and pressure and stress. All for marks that are within my reach, yet I don't have enough dedication to work to achieve them.

x

Just us and the autumn leaves.

I have found another love - yes, I do find them on a frequent basis - Margaret Atwood.
I can never define my story writing style, or who I aspire to write like, but she is it. I bought her book The Tent for my mother's birthday, and I have just read some of the stories. I seriously am obsessed with her writing.
And her writing inspires me to write, which is helpful, seeing as my major work is due in like 12 weeks, and I have only written 764 words....

I made my best friend a CD last night, and it made me feel nice, yet today I forgot to take it to school for her, which made me feel sad.

I also just found out that someone liked the same band as me, when I thought nobody had heard of them. Yay.

I feel like a robot. I have a one-track mind. School, and nice things. I don't seem to have room for much else, and sometimes the two meet, which is quite lovely and inspiring.

x

Carve my face apart and call me beautiful

I'm Lydia, a disorganised teenager, I'm searching for inspiration and fulfillment. I find inspiration, gorge myself on it, and throw it away.

I really want to be dedicated, to something, anything, everything. Good quotes are like green M&M's: rare, delicious, and they leave sweet remnants on you after being ingested.

Do you sometimes get scared that maybe you have a terrible illness or disease, and no one has told you? I do. I quite often get frightened of myself and my thoughts, they're so big I feel like i could explode.

I'm rambling, but that's how I roll.

x